Dirty Limmerick Challenge

Who doesn't like dirty limmericks?

Here is an exchange that Adam and I had on myspace. Vote for your favourite limmerick to determine the winner!

Please submit limmericks and I will post them.

i once knew a man named patel
a hindu with too much hair gel
we shared a few beer
and spoke of Kashmir
then he blew me up as well

I once knew a man from Orlando
Who looked like a young Marlon Brando
He pulled down his pants
And I stole a quick glance
Since that day, I've been going commando!

I once met a girl half my age
who carried a skunk in a cage
she smelled bad its true
but better than you
and sucked balls for minimum wage

I know this girl up in Poughkeepsie
Who gets rather loose when she's tipsy
So I slipped her a five
And she let me inside
But now I'm the worst kind of itchy

there once was a russian named yuri
who loved to eat hot chicken curry
the naan bread it seems
soaked up his dreams
and came out his ass in a hurry

If I had a spaceship or rocket
You'd probably sit there and mock it
But once it took off
You'd hack and you'd cough
And wave with your hand in your pocket

I once knew a fair skinned blonde lass
for bus fare, she'd eat out your ass
One day at home
after a rusty trombone
I blew that bitch right back to class

I once saw a man in the gutter
"Help me!" he stammered and sputtered
I offered my hand
And he said "My, that's grand!"
Then I wrecked his old face with my putter

their did live a dame from New Delhi
who liked when you puked on her belly
but it just gets worse
shes terribly cursed
and her ass squirts petroleum jelly

A dashing young man from the Glades
Who had quite a craving for trades
Gave up a dung beetle
In exchange for a needle
And now the poor bastard has AIDS

there was once a great dane they called booker
whose owner was quite good at snooker
He'd hang out at the halls
and sink all the balls
then he'd go haggle with hookers

There was a young girl from Long Island
Who had quite an unusual hymen
It seemed that the slut
Could make it open and shut
So she told all the boys they could climb in

there was a young man who bred turkeys
he would dry them for all kinds of jerkys
one night he was tanked
and met this old skank
he now has some terrible herpes

There once was a young girl from Reuters
Who fell victim to several looters
When she thought she'd be knifed
She begged for her life
And showed off her fabulous hooters

there was once a young man who was bitten
by a vampire in woolen mittens
the curse it seems
affected he dreams
and he awoke with the head of a kitten

There was a young lady from Kent
Who'd tell all the boys to get bent
But she would turn tricks
And suck any old dick
When it came time to pay rent

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