By Popular Demand - Sort Of

I couldn't find a good quality screenshot of Evil Monkey on the red carpet, but I think this one will do just as well. Evil Monkey getting stoned and listening to Foghat!

A Handy Chart - Are You Fat?

Your weight concerns me.

Better Than A Diet Pill!


Evil Monkey, We Salute You

Oh Evil Monkey, how evil you are! However, I think most of us can empathize with his plight. Who hasn't come home after a long day of work at the office only to find their wife in bed with another monkey?. I know I have! It definetely puts a damper on your day. It's hard to bounce back from something like that. Especially when you are a monkey.
So angry!


Since We're on the Topic

Well, it's Monday. Again. We're back at the start of the pattern. Here begins the tedious loop and painful drudgery that we call the working week. So, in order to lighten this heavy burden, I'd like to talk about some fairly serious topics. Don't worry. This is important. Regular readers of Nonsensical Gibberish may be confused by this sudden change of tack into the Sensical. Well, this weekend I saw a few documentary films which were very provocative, especially in the thought area. They were:

1. An Inconvenient Truth

2. Iraq For Sale: The War Profiteers

3. Why We Fight

All three films are of excellent calibre, produced in a non-biased, logical format. An interesting thing to note here is that Haliburton (and its subsidiary KBR) is mentioned in both "Why We Fight" and "Iraq for Sale". I was left with a sour taste in my mouth when I realized how much collusion and favouritism exists among the higher-ups in the U.S. Government. The American people as a whole have been repeatedly lied to about every conflict since WWII. WWII was simply used as a catalyst to launch the States into their current era of war mongering and international bullying. Yet the average American remains blissfully ignorant of this fact, and remains confident that they are pursuing liberty and freedom. Even Eisenhower saw this coming, and warned against the mass accumulation of arms. The U.S. military is a ridiculous force, with the latest technology and advances designed to kill quicker and smarter, with more accuracy. What's even more ludicris is the propaganda machine behind George W. Bush. After September 11th, Bush called for the invasion of Iraq on the grounds that he was harbouring terrorists, and encouraging terrorism etc. However, recently he admitted in a press conference that there was NO connection between 9/11 and Sadaam Husein/Iraq. Interesting coincidence. Funny how Iraq used to be a great ally of the U.S., but as soon as they were poised to attack Saudi Arabia (world's largest reserves of OIL), the U.S. got involved. Bush Sr. and Sadaam were great friends at one time, were they not? Also, isn't it interesting that the Bush and Bin Laden family are close?

I'm not here to give everything away, I'm just pointing out some general inconsistencies about the United States. They are headed to be the next Rome, making a ton of enemies along the way. It almost seems that the war train may run out of tracks. All the money spent on military affairs in the U.S. is greater than all social programs put together.

Also, something going against the U.S. is global warming. On the world scale, the U.S. is probably close to the TOP polluter. Their cars are the most inefficient and the waste they produce per capita is higher than anywhere else in the world. Clearly, our global over-consumption not only leads to class seperation and poverty, but also will make the Earth uninhabitable. "An Inconvenient Truth" presents some incredibly astonishing facts. I recommend seeing it if you are concerned in any way for the environment.

I could go on and on and on about this, so I'll let you, the reader, choose what best course of action to take. Please, see these films, get involved.

I'd like to leave you with Eisenhower's final address to the nation. Please take the time to read this over and see how far the U.S. has strayed from the ideals of its founding fathers. It is a mockery.

Eisenhower's Final Address
January 17, 1961
Good evening, my fellow Americans: First, I should like to express my gratitude to the radio and television networks for the opportunity they have given me over the years to bring reports and messages to our nation. My special thanks go to them for the opportunity of addressing you this evening.
Three days from now, after a half century of service of our country, I shall lay down the responsibilities of office as, in traditional and solemn ceremony, the authority of the Presidency is vested in my successor.
This evening I come to you with a message of leave-taking and farewell, and to share a few final thoughts with you, my countrymen.
Like every other citizen, I wish the new President, and all who will labor with him, Godspeed. I pray that the coming years will be blessed with peace and prosperity for all.
Our people expect their President and the Congress to find essential agreement on questions of great moment, the wise resolution of which will better shape the future of the nation.
My own relations with Congress, which began on a remote and tenuous basis when, long ago, a member of the Senate appointed me to West Point, have since ranged to the intimate during the war and immediate post-war period, and finally to the mutually interdependent during these past eight years.
In this final relationship, the Congress and the Administration have, on most vital issues, cooperated well, to serve the nation well rather than mere partisanship, and so have assured that the business of the nation should go forward. So my official relationship with Congress ends in a feeling on my part, of gratitude that we have been able to do so much together.
We now stand ten years past the midpoint of a century that has witnessed four major wars among great nations. Three of these involved our own country. Despite these holocausts America is today the strongest, the most influential and most productive nation in the world. Understandably proud of this pre-eminence, we yet realize that America's leadership and prestige depend, not merely upon our unmatched material progress, riches and military strength, but on how we use our power in the interests of world peace and human betterment.
Throughout America's adventure in free government, such basic purposes have been to keep the peace; to foster progress in human achievement, and to enhance liberty, dignity and integrity among peoples and among nations.
To strive for less would be unworthy of a free and religious people.
Any failure traceable to arrogance or our lack of comprehension or readiness to sacrifice would inflict upon us a grievous hurt, both at home and abroad.
Progress toward these noble goals is persistently threatened by the conflict now engulfing the world. It commands our whole attention, absorbs our very beings. We face a hostile ideology global in scope, atheistic in character, ruthless in purpose, and insidious in method. Unhappily the danger it poses promises to be of indefinite duration. To meet it successfully, there is called for, not so much the emotional and transitory sacrifices of crisis, but rather those which enable us to carry forward steadily, surely, and without complaint the burdens of a prolonged and complex struggle – with liberty the stake. Only thus shall we remain, despite every provocation, on our charted course toward permanent peace and human betterment.
Crises there will continue to be. In meeting them, whether foreign or domestic, great or small, there is a recurring temptation to feel that some spectacular and costly action could become the miraculous solution to all current difficulties. A huge increase in the newer elements of our defenses; development of unrealistic programs to cure every ill in agriculture; a dramatic expansion in basic and applied research – these and many other possibilities, each possibly promising in itself, may be suggested as the only way to the road we wish to travel.
But each proposal must be weighed in light of a broader consideration; the need to maintain balance in and among national programs – balance between the private and the public economy, balance between the cost and hoped for advantages – balance between the clearly necessary and the comfortably desirable; balance between our essential requirements as a nation and the duties imposed by the nation upon the individual; balance between the actions of the moment and the national welfare of the future. Good judgment seeks balance and progress; lack of it eventually finds imbalance and frustration.
The record of many decades stands as proof that our people and their Government have, in the main, understood these truths and have responded to them well in the face of threat and stress.
But threats, new in kind or degree, constantly arise.
Of these, I mention two only.
A vital element in keeping the peace is our military establishment. Our arms must be mighty, ready for instant action, so that no potential aggressor may be tempted to risk his own destruction.
Our military organization today bears little relation to that known by any of my predecessors in peacetime, or indeed by the fighting men of World War II or Korea.
Until the latest of our world conflicts, the United States had no armaments industry. American makers of plowshares could, with time and as required, make swords as well. But now we can no longer risk emergency improvisation of national defense; we have been compelled to create a permanent armaments industry of vast proportions. Added to this, three and a half million men and women are directly engaged in the defense establishment. We annually spend on military security more than the net income of all United States corporations.
This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence – economic, political, even spiritual – is felt in every city, every Statehouse, every office of the Federal government. We recognize the imperative need for this development. Yet we must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, resources and livelihood are all involved; so is the very structure of our society.
In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.
We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.
Akin to, and largely responsible for the sweeping changes in our industrial-military posture, has been the technological revolution during recent decades.
In this revolution, research has become central, it also becomes more formalized, complex, and costly. A steadily increasing share is conducted for, by, or at the direction of, the Federal government.
Today, the solitary inventor, tinkering in his shop, has been overshadowed by task forces of scientists in laboratories and testing fields. In the same fashion, the free university, historically the fountainhead of free ideas and scientific discovery, has experienced a revolution in the conduct of research. Partly because of the huge costs involved, a government contract becomes virtually a substitute for intellectual curiosity. For every old blackboard there are now hundreds of new electronic computers.
The prospect of domination of the nation's scholars by Federal employment, project allocations, and the power of money is ever present – and is gravely to be regarded.
Yet, in holding scientific research and discovery in respect, as we should, we must also be alert to the equal and opposite danger that public policy could itself become the captive of a scientific-technological elite.
It is the task of statesmanship to mold, to balance, and to integrate these and other forces, new and old, within the principles of our democratic system – ever aiming toward the supreme goals of our free society.
Another factor in maintaining balance involves the element of time. As we peer into society's future, we – you and I, and our government – must avoid the impulse to live only for today, plundering for, for our own ease and convenience, the precious resources of tomorrow. We cannot mortgage the material assets of our grandchildren without asking the loss also of their political and spiritual heritage. We want democracy to survive for all generations to come, not to become the insolvent phantom of tomorrow.
Down the long lane of the history yet to be written America knows that this world of ours, ever growing smaller, must avoid becoming a community of dreadful fear and hate, and be, instead, a proud confederation of mutual trust and respect.
Such a confederation must be one of equals. The weakest must come to the conference table with the same confidence as do we, protected as we are by our moral, economic, and military strength. That table, though scarred by many past frustrations, cannot be abandoned for the certain agony of the battlefield.
Disarmament, with mutual honor and confidence, is a continuing imperative. Together we must learn how to compose differences, not with arms, but with intellect and decent purpose. Because this need is so sharp and apparent I confess that I lay down my official responsibilities in this field with a definite sense of disappointment. As one who has witnessed the horror and the lingering sadness of war – as one who knows that another war could utterly destroy this civilization which has been so slowly and painfully built over thousands of years – I wish I could say tonight that a lasting peace is in sight.
Happily, I can say that war has been avoided. Steady progress toward our ultimate goal has been made. But, so much remains to be done. As a private citizen, I shall never cease to do what little I can to help the world advance along that road.
So – in this my last good night to you as your President – I thank you for the many opportunities you have given me for public service in war and peace. I trust that in that service you find some things worthy; as for the rest of it, I know you will find ways to improve performance in the future.
You and I – my fellow citizens – need to be strong in our faith that all nations, under God, will reach the goal of peace with justice. May we be ever unswerving in devotion to principle, confident but humble with power, diligent in pursuit of the Nations' great goals.
To all the peoples of the world, I once more give expression to America's prayerful and continuing aspiration:
We pray that peoples of all faiths, all races, all nations, may have their great human needs satisfied; that those now denied opportunity shall come to enjoy it to the full; that all who yearn for freedom may experience its spiritual blessings; that those who have freedom will understand, also, its heavy responsibilities; that all who are insensitive to the needs of others will learn charity; that the scourges of poverty, disease and ignorance will be made to disappear from the earth, and that, in the goodness of time, all peoples will come to live together in a peace guaranteed by the binding force of mutual respect and love.
Now, on Friday noon, I am to become a private citizen. I am proud to do so. I look forward to it.
Thank you, and good night.


Friday Fun Facts - Volleyball

Volleyball is a sport played by teams of six players each, who aim to score points by propelling a ball over a net into the opponents' court in such a way that the opponents cannot return it. Players can hit the ball with their hands or any part of their body above the waist. A team is allowed three hits to move the ball over the net. The game, originally called "mintonette," was invented in 1895 at the YMCA in Holyoke, Massachusetts by William G. Morgan. William Morgan studied at Springfield College and knew James Naismith, who invented basketball in 1891. Influenced and inspired by Naismith, Morgan blended aspects of basketball, baseball, tennis, and handball to devise a sport that could be played by older members of the YMCA. The set and spike was first demonstrated in 1916. The first beach volleyball game was played in 1930.


Cyanide and Happiness - I will continue to plug thee...

I am on a quest. A mission to persuade all those who are AWESOME that they must be attune to the best resources available. This includes those that are educational, such as Nonsensical Gibberish, and those that will expand the mind further than they dared to explore before. Cyanide and Happiness, is by far one of the bestest bad comics ever created by our generation. Sickitated, grossimated, filth; this blunt comic is worth it's weight in cyberspace. I do recommend: www.explosm.net/comics


My First Published Work

From Grade 1

"The Magic Story"

Once upon a time there lived a magician and he had a crystal ball. He could tell you your future. One day the ball fell and broke. The magic man said the magic words and the ball came back together and the magician lived happily ever after.



Photoshop Days

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #7

"In matters of the heart, always trust your instinct. It is always better to tread carefully on the waters of love, better to cause a ripple than a splash. Patience is a virtue. Be true to yourself, and you will never be lonely. I mean, look at me! I got all the mad bitches up on my shit, motherfuckers!"

-Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy


Ode To Girl I Secretly Have A Crush On

I really like your hair
It is 68% awesome, 32% luxurious
Your eyes are pretty special
They are in no way dead like a zombie
You are pretty much the most beautiful
Thing in the entire universe
You make me feel like I have
A learning disability
When I am around you
Maybe a slight mental retardation
But it feels good
Your smile is the highlight of my day
No jokes
But I usually ruin cool things
So I will just admire you
From a distance
Perhaps similar to a secret admirer
I'd like to go ice skating with you
Because I really like your jacket
And your athletic ability


Here We GROW Again!

Once again, I feel it's necessary to welcome an avid reader of Nonsensical Gibberish turned contributor Womacky! to the fast-paced, guacamole-eating, small-child-scaring world of blogging. And what better forum than Nonsensical Gibberish? I expect great things from both Womacky! and Loki_Smoke. In your honour, here is this motivational poster.


That's right people, Womacky! Not only appropriate for my general state of being, but also the best word to come out a tipsy night of family Balderdash! Talk about gibberish! It's amazing the creativity (a.k.a. CRAP) that can come out of a human's brain when challenged with obscure words after lengthy travels and a glass of wine.

I challenge you Jibber Jabber - and maybe Asian Dude if you two can stand to play nice!

Ode To Asian Dude

Hey Asian Dude
Or maybe I should say Cliff
If that IS your real name?
"Why me?" you ask, throwing your hands up to the sky
I don't really have anything against you
Except maybe your happiness
And athletic ability
Plus I don't know how
You can justify
Having a website called NonSensical Gibberish
When everything makes sense
On your page
And nothing about it is random
Or nonsensical
Are you just trying to be witty?
Impress your friends?
Why do you feel you have to play ping-pong
Just because you're Asian
Way to live up to stereotypes

Check out Asian dude: www.nonsensicalgibberish.com



Welcome to the team, Loki Smoke

I'd like to extend a warm welcome to the first member to join the dynamic, energetic, synergy-inspiring Nonsensical Gibberish team.

Here is a Taco commemorating this momentous occasion.


Over the course of time, and many man-hours of research, my incredible findings continue.

1. It's hip to be square.
2. It's easier to fit a square peg in a round hole than it is to fit a hexagonal cat into a triangular dog.
3. Being emo is so over.
4. Television is responsible for the social fall-out of society.
5. Myspace is ruining life as we know it.
6. Seahorses are one of the only species in which the male carries and gives birth to the babies. And let me tell you, it is a really really weird thing to see.
7. Monkeys can be cute, or ugly.
8. Na na na na na na na na Batman.
9. Hard work doesn't always pay off.
10. 37.5% of statistics don't take into account the nearly 60% of people who lie on surveys.
11. People find it hard to be optimistic when there is so much negativistic energy around.
12. A crazy amount of people die in car accidents. Maybe there should be a more rigorous test to get your driver's licence.

Friday Fun Facts! Phonetic Alphabet

This is the standard list of words used to identify letters of the alphabet unambiguously in police and maritime communications, air traffic control, and military contexts. It is also called the NATO alphabet, named after the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, which standardized it.

A - Alpha
B - Bravo
C - Charlie
D - Delta
E - Echo
F - Foxtrot
G - Golf
H - Hotel
I - India
J - Juliet
K - Kilo
L - Lima
M - Mike
N - November
O - Oscar
P - Papa
Q - Quebec
R - Romeo
S - Sierra
T - Tango
U - Uniform
V - Victor
W - Whisky
X - X-ray
Y - Yankee
Z - Zulu

Pessimistic Box of Chocolate Analogies

Inspired by the movie "Forrest Gump"

Life is like a box of chocolates;
- by the time it gets around to you all the good ones are gone.
- someone has tampered with the box and filled one "lucky" chocolate with arsenic.
- unless you have the little card which denotes the characteristics of each chocolate, you might end up getting one with peanuts, and you are allergic to peanuts.
- eating the whole thing will make you ill.
- it will just make you fat.
- you never know when a poisonous cobra will jump out at you.
- when the box is empty you just throw it in the trash bin.
- lots of fun, but might require a painful drilling at the dentist's office.
- you unwrap it to find somebody has already sucked all the fun out of it.
- you never know when or where Al-Qaeda will strike next.



Oh glorious tigers!
Insanely majestic, large cats
Tramping joyously through the jungle
How I envy you!
Whether you be classic or white
You're pretty special
I would fight for you
Sacrifice my life
But who would want my hide
As a rug?