Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #9

"Good day to you dudes! I received this letter lately:
Dear Mr. Dong, I read your column long time. Much of liking. My troubles are many, and I think wife is making happy good time with other man. She act funny, leave house at strange hours, and get mad like Kochira when asked WHY WHY YOU DO? How know if happy happy fun time is behind back happening?
Suspicious in Chinatown
Dear SIC, many problems confront us in life, this is a fact that you cannot kung-fu kick yourself out of. The real challenge is, the way we confront the sonofabitches! So you think your wife is cheating? My advice is, take the path of the ninja. Next time she leaves, follow her. If you have evidence of this cheating, kill both of those bastard motherfuckers, leaving no trace that you were there."
- Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #8

"I wish to apologize to my loyal followers for my lengthy absence. I have been in retreat from the world, meditating on the purpose of my life, and considering matters of importance to the universe. Specifically, transgendered/transexual people. SERIOUSLY. Can't you motherfuckers choose a goddamn gender? For fuck's sake!"

- Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #7

"In matters of the heart, always trust your instinct. It is always better to tread carefully on the waters of love, better to cause a ripple than a splash. Patience is a virtue. Be true to yourself, and you will never be lonely. I mean, look at me! I got all the mad bitches up on my shit, motherfuckers!"

-Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #6

"Always follow your dreams. If you don't follow your dreams, then man, you are ten kinds of sucka."
-Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #5

"Often we judge objects or people by their appearance. However, their contents are purpose could be quite valuable to us, yet we pass them by because they look old or ugly. A wise man takes the time to investigate, using every opportunity for knowledge. Well, except for bananas. I mean, those motherfuckers taste good, but they last like, a day! And when those motherfuckers got brown on 'em, you better believe they are all mushy and shit inside. Fuck that shit! People are all, "make some banana bread!" And I'm all, "Fuck that! I ain't makin' no motherfuckin' banana bread!"
-Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #4

"Be honest in all things. Especially about your kung-fu skills. I hate it when people say they know Kung-fu, when motherfuckers have no idea! Shit balls! Learn some motherfucking Kung-fu, then come back and say that shit! Stupid motherfuckers."
-Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #3

"In life we often encounter obstacles. However, it is important to remember that there is an easy solution to any problem. Kung-fu kick those mothafuckin' obastacles, bitches! Goddamn mothafuckin' obstacles."
- Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #2

"When searching for enlightenment, one must first clear the mind of any thoughts. This way you open up your spirit, and feel the energy of the universe. Next, kick any motherfucker's ass that gets in your way. Goddamn motherfuckers!"
-Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column

"If you are walking down a path, and you see a bee lying in the road unable to fly, step on the motherfucker. Motherfucker would have bit you!"
- Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy