12/23/06

I'm sorry to say this...

Well, it turns out that team member Loki Smoke never really knew that she was a team member. That would definetely explain the lack of postings. Well, doesn't that make me look quite the fool. Calling Loki Smoke out publicly and accusing her of having penile anxiety...shameful. One consolation to this was the fact that she actually read Nonsensical Gibberish and found out that she was indeed a contributor. I guess I wasn't really doing my job as administrator. I could have just sent her an email.

Call me what you will, but I won't be listening, unless it is positive.

12/20/06

My apologies


I have been getting a few complaints about the lack of content lately on the blog.

Geez well I am sorry. Life just kind of gets in the way sometimes of proper blog maintenance. Really, I will tell you who the real culprits are: f-ing Facebook and Consumating (www.facebook.com, www.consumating.com). Facebook seems to be taking off with the same ferocity that myspace did about 6 months ago. What is with these trends in social networks? I'll bet you anything that in about 6 months there will be a new and exciting network to be a part of and Facebook profiles will go untended. This is a trend I am predicting, which has probably already been predicted in the past. Most likely it will be an updated version of Windows Live Spaces with increased functionality. I must admit though, Facebook is pretty fun. When all is said and done Nonsensical Gibberish will always be there for you. All it takes is a little open fire to roast these chestnuts of blogdom.

Thank you, and goodnight.

12/6/06

As per Ryan's request


Old School Microphone!


12/4/06

Loki Smoke Where Are You?


Loki, I realize that it would be just as easy to tell you this over email, however I feel that a public posting might be more effective. You joined the team a few weeks ago, yet we have not even seen one (1) posting by you. Is it performance anxiety? Is it rage? Penile rage? Penile anxiety?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad, I mean, I post enough to make up for all you slackers. As of right now, I am suspending your dental plan.
Consider your dental plan SUSPENDED!


12/1/06

DISCLAIMER

The opinions expressed on Nonsensical Gibberish do not necessarily reflect those of its contributors. If you have a problem with something posted on Nonsensical Gibberish, we meant the opposite. The authors of Nonsensical Gibberish assume no liability for any action taken (whether legal or illegal) by any reader of Nonsensical Gibberish. However, if any positive action is taken, any awesome outcome is reached as a result of this site, we assume full responsibility for it.

Now listen up everyone! Do drugs and commit crimes! Wheeeeee!

Brokeback Parodies

Which one's your favourite?










11/30/06

By Popular Demand - Sort Of



I couldn't find a good quality screenshot of Evil Monkey on the red carpet, but I think this one will do just as well. Evil Monkey getting stoned and listening to Foghat!




A Handy Chart - Are You Fat?


Your weight concerns me.

Better Than A Diet Pill!


11/29/06

Evil Monkey, We Salute You










Oh Evil Monkey, how evil you are! However, I think most of us can empathize with his plight. Who hasn't come home after a long day of work at the office only to find their wife in bed with another monkey?. I know I have! It definetely puts a damper on your day. It's hard to bounce back from something like that. Especially when you are a monkey.
So angry!

11/27/06

Since We're on the Topic

Well, it's Monday. Again. We're back at the start of the pattern. Here begins the tedious loop and painful drudgery that we call the working week. So, in order to lighten this heavy burden, I'd like to talk about some fairly serious topics. Don't worry. This is important. Regular readers of Nonsensical Gibberish may be confused by this sudden change of tack into the Sensical. Well, this weekend I saw a few documentary films which were very provocative, especially in the thought area. They were:

1. An Inconvenient Truth


























2. Iraq For Sale: The War Profiteers

























3. Why We Fight
























All three films are of excellent calibre, produced in a non-biased, logical format. An interesting thing to note here is that Haliburton (and its subsidiary KBR) is mentioned in both "Why We Fight" and "Iraq for Sale". I was left with a sour taste in my mouth when I realized how much collusion and favouritism exists among the higher-ups in the U.S. Government. The American people as a whole have been repeatedly lied to about every conflict since WWII. WWII was simply used as a catalyst to launch the States into their current era of war mongering and international bullying. Yet the average American remains blissfully ignorant of this fact, and remains confident that they are pursuing liberty and freedom. Even Eisenhower saw this coming, and warned against the mass accumulation of arms. The U.S. military is a ridiculous force, with the latest technology and advances designed to kill quicker and smarter, with more accuracy. What's even more ludicris is the propaganda machine behind George W. Bush. After September 11th, Bush called for the invasion of Iraq on the grounds that he was harbouring terrorists, and encouraging terrorism etc. However, recently he admitted in a press conference that there was NO connection between 9/11 and Sadaam Husein/Iraq. Interesting coincidence. Funny how Iraq used to be a great ally of the U.S., but as soon as they were poised to attack Saudi Arabia (world's largest reserves of OIL), the U.S. got involved. Bush Sr. and Sadaam were great friends at one time, were they not? Also, isn't it interesting that the Bush and Bin Laden family are close?


I'm not here to give everything away, I'm just pointing out some general inconsistencies about the United States. They are headed to be the next Rome, making a ton of enemies along the way. It almost seems that the war train may run out of tracks. All the money spent on military affairs in the U.S. is greater than all social programs put together.


Also, something going against the U.S. is global warming. On the world scale, the U.S. is probably close to the TOP polluter. Their cars are the most inefficient and the waste they produce per capita is higher than anywhere else in the world. Clearly, our global over-consumption not only leads to class seperation and poverty, but also will make the Earth uninhabitable. "An Inconvenient Truth" presents some incredibly astonishing facts. I recommend seeing it if you are concerned in any way for the environment.


I could go on and on and on about this, so I'll let you, the reader, choose what best course of action to take. Please, see these films, get involved.


I'd like to leave you with Eisenhower's final address to the nation. Please take the time to read this over and see how far the U.S. has strayed from the ideals of its founding fathers. It is a mockery.




Eisenhower's Final Address
January 17, 1961
Good evening, my fellow Americans: First, I should like to express my gratitude to the radio and television networks for the opportunity they have given me over the years to bring reports and messages to our nation. My special thanks go to them for the opportunity of addressing you this evening.
Three days from now, after a half century of service of our country, I shall lay down the responsibilities of office as, in traditional and solemn ceremony, the authority of the Presidency is vested in my successor.
This evening I come to you with a message of leave-taking and farewell, and to share a few final thoughts with you, my countrymen.
Like every other citizen, I wish the new President, and all who will labor with him, Godspeed. I pray that the coming years will be blessed with peace and prosperity for all.
Our people expect their President and the Congress to find essential agreement on questions of great moment, the wise resolution of which will better shape the future of the nation.
My own relations with Congress, which began on a remote and tenuous basis when, long ago, a member of the Senate appointed me to West Point, have since ranged to the intimate during the war and immediate post-war period, and finally to the mutually interdependent during these past eight years.
In this final relationship, the Congress and the Administration have, on most vital issues, cooperated well, to serve the nation well rather than mere partisanship, and so have assured that the business of the nation should go forward. So my official relationship with Congress ends in a feeling on my part, of gratitude that we have been able to do so much together.
We now stand ten years past the midpoint of a century that has witnessed four major wars among great nations. Three of these involved our own country. Despite these holocausts America is today the strongest, the most influential and most productive nation in the world. Understandably proud of this pre-eminence, we yet realize that America's leadership and prestige depend, not merely upon our unmatched material progress, riches and military strength, but on how we use our power in the interests of world peace and human betterment.
Throughout America's adventure in free government, such basic purposes have been to keep the peace; to foster progress in human achievement, and to enhance liberty, dignity and integrity among peoples and among nations.
To strive for less would be unworthy of a free and religious people.
Any failure traceable to arrogance or our lack of comprehension or readiness to sacrifice would inflict upon us a grievous hurt, both at home and abroad.
Progress toward these noble goals is persistently threatened by the conflict now engulfing the world. It commands our whole attention, absorbs our very beings. We face a hostile ideology global in scope, atheistic in character, ruthless in purpose, and insidious in method. Unhappily the danger it poses promises to be of indefinite duration. To meet it successfully, there is called for, not so much the emotional and transitory sacrifices of crisis, but rather those which enable us to carry forward steadily, surely, and without complaint the burdens of a prolonged and complex struggle – with liberty the stake. Only thus shall we remain, despite every provocation, on our charted course toward permanent peace and human betterment.
Crises there will continue to be. In meeting them, whether foreign or domestic, great or small, there is a recurring temptation to feel that some spectacular and costly action could become the miraculous solution to all current difficulties. A huge increase in the newer elements of our defenses; development of unrealistic programs to cure every ill in agriculture; a dramatic expansion in basic and applied research – these and many other possibilities, each possibly promising in itself, may be suggested as the only way to the road we wish to travel.
But each proposal must be weighed in light of a broader consideration; the need to maintain balance in and among national programs – balance between the private and the public economy, balance between the cost and hoped for advantages – balance between the clearly necessary and the comfortably desirable; balance between our essential requirements as a nation and the duties imposed by the nation upon the individual; balance between the actions of the moment and the national welfare of the future. Good judgment seeks balance and progress; lack of it eventually finds imbalance and frustration.
The record of many decades stands as proof that our people and their Government have, in the main, understood these truths and have responded to them well in the face of threat and stress.
But threats, new in kind or degree, constantly arise.
Of these, I mention two only.
A vital element in keeping the peace is our military establishment. Our arms must be mighty, ready for instant action, so that no potential aggressor may be tempted to risk his own destruction.
Our military organization today bears little relation to that known by any of my predecessors in peacetime, or indeed by the fighting men of World War II or Korea.
Until the latest of our world conflicts, the United States had no armaments industry. American makers of plowshares could, with time and as required, make swords as well. But now we can no longer risk emergency improvisation of national defense; we have been compelled to create a permanent armaments industry of vast proportions. Added to this, three and a half million men and women are directly engaged in the defense establishment. We annually spend on military security more than the net income of all United States corporations.
This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence – economic, political, even spiritual – is felt in every city, every Statehouse, every office of the Federal government. We recognize the imperative need for this development. Yet we must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, resources and livelihood are all involved; so is the very structure of our society.
In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.
We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.
Akin to, and largely responsible for the sweeping changes in our industrial-military posture, has been the technological revolution during recent decades.
In this revolution, research has become central, it also becomes more formalized, complex, and costly. A steadily increasing share is conducted for, by, or at the direction of, the Federal government.
Today, the solitary inventor, tinkering in his shop, has been overshadowed by task forces of scientists in laboratories and testing fields. In the same fashion, the free university, historically the fountainhead of free ideas and scientific discovery, has experienced a revolution in the conduct of research. Partly because of the huge costs involved, a government contract becomes virtually a substitute for intellectual curiosity. For every old blackboard there are now hundreds of new electronic computers.
The prospect of domination of the nation's scholars by Federal employment, project allocations, and the power of money is ever present – and is gravely to be regarded.
Yet, in holding scientific research and discovery in respect, as we should, we must also be alert to the equal and opposite danger that public policy could itself become the captive of a scientific-technological elite.
It is the task of statesmanship to mold, to balance, and to integrate these and other forces, new and old, within the principles of our democratic system – ever aiming toward the supreme goals of our free society.
Another factor in maintaining balance involves the element of time. As we peer into society's future, we – you and I, and our government – must avoid the impulse to live only for today, plundering for, for our own ease and convenience, the precious resources of tomorrow. We cannot mortgage the material assets of our grandchildren without asking the loss also of their political and spiritual heritage. We want democracy to survive for all generations to come, not to become the insolvent phantom of tomorrow.
Down the long lane of the history yet to be written America knows that this world of ours, ever growing smaller, must avoid becoming a community of dreadful fear and hate, and be, instead, a proud confederation of mutual trust and respect.
Such a confederation must be one of equals. The weakest must come to the conference table with the same confidence as do we, protected as we are by our moral, economic, and military strength. That table, though scarred by many past frustrations, cannot be abandoned for the certain agony of the battlefield.
Disarmament, with mutual honor and confidence, is a continuing imperative. Together we must learn how to compose differences, not with arms, but with intellect and decent purpose. Because this need is so sharp and apparent I confess that I lay down my official responsibilities in this field with a definite sense of disappointment. As one who has witnessed the horror and the lingering sadness of war – as one who knows that another war could utterly destroy this civilization which has been so slowly and painfully built over thousands of years – I wish I could say tonight that a lasting peace is in sight.
Happily, I can say that war has been avoided. Steady progress toward our ultimate goal has been made. But, so much remains to be done. As a private citizen, I shall never cease to do what little I can to help the world advance along that road.
So – in this my last good night to you as your President – I thank you for the many opportunities you have given me for public service in war and peace. I trust that in that service you find some things worthy; as for the rest of it, I know you will find ways to improve performance in the future.
You and I – my fellow citizens – need to be strong in our faith that all nations, under God, will reach the goal of peace with justice. May we be ever unswerving in devotion to principle, confident but humble with power, diligent in pursuit of the Nations' great goals.
To all the peoples of the world, I once more give expression to America's prayerful and continuing aspiration:
We pray that peoples of all faiths, all races, all nations, may have their great human needs satisfied; that those now denied opportunity shall come to enjoy it to the full; that all who yearn for freedom may experience its spiritual blessings; that those who have freedom will understand, also, its heavy responsibilities; that all who are insensitive to the needs of others will learn charity; that the scourges of poverty, disease and ignorance will be made to disappear from the earth, and that, in the goodness of time, all peoples will come to live together in a peace guaranteed by the binding force of mutual respect and love.
Now, on Friday noon, I am to become a private citizen. I am proud to do so. I look forward to it.
Thank you, and good night.

11/24/06

Friday Fun Facts - Volleyball




Volleyball is a sport played by teams of six players each, who aim to score points by propelling a ball over a net into the opponents' court in such a way that the opponents cannot return it. Players can hit the ball with their hands or any part of their body above the waist. A team is allowed three hits to move the ball over the net. The game, originally called "mintonette," was invented in 1895 at the YMCA in Holyoke, Massachusetts by William G. Morgan. William Morgan studied at Springfield College and knew James Naismith, who invented basketball in 1891. Influenced and inspired by Naismith, Morgan blended aspects of basketball, baseball, tennis, and handball to devise a sport that could be played by older members of the YMCA. The set and spike was first demonstrated in 1916. The first beach volleyball game was played in 1930.




11/21/06

Cyanide and Happiness - I will continue to plug thee...




I am on a quest. A mission to persuade all those who are AWESOME that they must be attune to the best resources available. This includes those that are educational, such as Nonsensical Gibberish, and those that will expand the mind further than they dared to explore before. Cyanide and Happiness, is by far one of the bestest bad comics ever created by our generation. Sickitated, grossimated, filth; this blunt comic is worth it's weight in cyberspace. I do recommend: www.explosm.net/comics




11/20/06

My First Published Work

From Grade 1

"The Magic Story"

Once upon a time there lived a magician and he had a crystal ball. He could tell you your future. One day the ball fell and broke. The magic man said the magic words and the ball came back together and the magician lived happily ever after.

GOLD!!

11/17/06

Photoshop Days


Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #7

"In matters of the heart, always trust your instinct. It is always better to tread carefully on the waters of love, better to cause a ripple than a splash. Patience is a virtue. Be true to yourself, and you will never be lonely. I mean, look at me! I got all the mad bitches up on my shit, motherfuckers!"

-Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

11/16/06

Ode To Girl I Secretly Have A Crush On

I really like your hair
It is 68% awesome, 32% luxurious
Your eyes are pretty special
They are in no way dead like a zombie
You are pretty much the most beautiful
Thing in the entire universe
You make me feel like I have
A learning disability
When I am around you
Maybe a slight mental retardation
But it feels good
Your smile is the highlight of my day
No jokes
But I usually ruin cool things
So I will just admire you
From a distance
Perhaps similar to a secret admirer
I'd like to go ice skating with you
Because I really like your jacket
And your athletic ability

11/15/06

Here We GROW Again!

Once again, I feel it's necessary to welcome an avid reader of Nonsensical Gibberish turned contributor Womacky! to the fast-paced, guacamole-eating, small-child-scaring world of blogging. And what better forum than Nonsensical Gibberish? I expect great things from both Womacky! and Loki_Smoke. In your honour, here is this motivational poster.

Womacky!

That's right people, Womacky! Not only appropriate for my general state of being, but also the best word to come out a tipsy night of family Balderdash! Talk about gibberish! It's amazing the creativity (a.k.a. CRAP) that can come out of a human's brain when challenged with obscure words after lengthy travels and a glass of wine.

I challenge you Jibber Jabber - and maybe Asian Dude if you two can stand to play nice!

Ode To Asian Dude



Hey Asian Dude
Or maybe I should say Cliff
If that IS your real name?
"Why me?" you ask, throwing your hands up to the sky
I don't really have anything against you
Except maybe your happiness
And athletic ability
Plus I don't know how
You can justify
Having a website called NonSensical Gibberish
When everything makes sense
On your page
And nothing about it is random
Or nonsensical
Are you just trying to be witty?
Impress your friends?
Why do you feel you have to play ping-pong
Just because you're Asian
Way to live up to stereotypes

Check out Asian dude: www.nonsensicalgibberish.com

11/14/06

11/10/06

Welcome to the team, Loki Smoke


I'd like to extend a warm welcome to the first member to join the dynamic, energetic, synergy-inspiring Nonsensical Gibberish team.

Here is a Taco commemorating this momentous occasion.

INCREDIBLE RESEARCH FINDINGS #2

Over the course of time, and many man-hours of research, my incredible findings continue.

1. It's hip to be square.
2. It's easier to fit a square peg in a round hole than it is to fit a hexagonal cat into a triangular dog.
3. Being emo is so over.
4. Television is responsible for the social fall-out of society.
5. Myspace is ruining life as we know it.
6. Seahorses are one of the only species in which the male carries and gives birth to the babies. And let me tell you, it is a really really weird thing to see.
7. Monkeys can be cute, or ugly.
8. Na na na na na na na na Batman.
9. Hard work doesn't always pay off.
10. 37.5% of statistics don't take into account the nearly 60% of people who lie on surveys.
11. People find it hard to be optimistic when there is so much negativistic energy around.
12. A crazy amount of people die in car accidents. Maybe there should be a more rigorous test to get your driver's licence.

Friday Fun Facts! Phonetic Alphabet

This is the standard list of words used to identify letters of the alphabet unambiguously in police and maritime communications, air traffic control, and military contexts. It is also called the NATO alphabet, named after the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, which standardized it.

A - Alpha
B - Bravo
C - Charlie
D - Delta
E - Echo
F - Foxtrot
G - Golf
H - Hotel
I - India
J - Juliet
K - Kilo
L - Lima
M - Mike
N - November
O - Oscar
P - Papa
Q - Quebec
R - Romeo
S - Sierra
T - Tango
U - Uniform
V - Victor
W - Whisky
X - X-ray
Y - Yankee
Z - Zulu

Pessimistic Box of Chocolate Analogies

Inspired by the movie "Forrest Gump"













Life is like a box of chocolates;
- by the time it gets around to you all the good ones are gone.
- someone has tampered with the box and filled one "lucky" chocolate with arsenic.
- unless you have the little card which denotes the characteristics of each chocolate, you might end up getting one with peanuts, and you are allergic to peanuts.
- eating the whole thing will make you ill.
- it will just make you fat.
- you never know when a poisonous cobra will jump out at you.
- when the box is empty you just throw it in the trash bin.
- lots of fun, but might require a painful drilling at the dentist's office.
- you unwrap it to find somebody has already sucked all the fun out of it.
- you never know when or where Al-Qaeda will strike next.

11/3/06

Tigers

Oh glorious tigers!
Insanely majestic, large cats
Tramping joyously through the jungle
How I envy you!
Whether you be classic or white
You're pretty special
I would fight for you
Sacrifice my life
But who would want my hide
As a rug?

10/25/06

That's Some Kinda Update!

Well, here we are, approaching Halloween. Is that awesome? Probably. I had a pretty good run there, what with all the postings and the suchlike. I'd just like to say that I hate Rogers. I mean, they're good guys I guess but really they are jerks. I won't go into the details, but I was this close to cancelling my service last night. But I didn't.

Some ideas I'm working on:

- Private investigation company
- Being more awesome
- Getting rid of some junk
- Denouncing my faith
- Yelling into the void
- Jumping up and down a lot
- Games of urban warfare
- Ways to make more money
- Etc.

Hahahah, also, I finally caved and bought an iPod. But it was worth it! It's totally excellent. This is not a plug for Apple. Other than that I am looking for an apartment with an office. For EVIL!

10/13/06

Only The Good

Why are the good taken
What shall be left for me
A matter of timing
Too timid to fight for it

Too much respect for those
Who've put in the time and effort
I want the easy route
I want instant gratification

How easily we build up
Structures in our head of the reality
Seeming to be accurate
But reality's a crutch, expanding

Why are the good taken
A strange lover's lament
Left with the leftovers
Forgotten in the face of romance

Nothing good comes easily
But easy comes as easy goes
I'd settle for second-best
If my intentions were good, that is

Dreamscapes plan out the days ahead
Past, present, and future blend together
In a horrendous picture
A dance best left unstepped

Time flows in a circle
The days become a year
The years become your life
Help me make this liveable

Help me undertake the misgivings
Aid me in shedding these heavy robes
I need an assistant
But so much more

Each week a new flavour
Smothering in sweet syrup
I forget the original texture
A mixture of pain and regret

Every line is about love
Every verse is about longing
Each letter a piece of the puzzle
Nothing remains

Why are the good taken
I must have spoken too soon
Life can be so serious
Take some time out to scream into the void

This is happening all over again
Infinetely definite interpretations
A contradiction in as many terms
Soldering the empty shells to form a whole

Why are the good taken
Friendship is beauty
Trust is golden
Rely on your instinct

10/10/06

Awesome Vs. Lame

Awesome: Finding a five-dollar bill on the ground!
Lame: Finding five-dollars worth of live bees in your pants.

Awesome: Roasting marshmallows!
Lame: When your marshmallow catches fire and you wave it around to extinguish the flames, but it's so gooey inside that the flaming crust flies off and lands in your girlfriends' hair and lights her hair on fire and then she is hella pissed at you for lighting her hair on fire.

Awesome: Getting wasted!
Lame: Not remembering what happened after the fourth shot of tequila, then waking up with a bad case of STDs.

Awesome: Water-balloon fights!
Lame: Getting hit with a water balloon filled with cat pee.

Awesome: Getting the Christmas present you really wanted!
Lame: Getting the Christmas present you wanted least, which was a stainless steel coffee mug filled with angry scorpions and hungry tarantulas.

Awesome: Making out with that girl you've always had the hots for!
Lame: Getting your face bitten off by that dog you've always been really afraid of.

10/6/06

INCREDIBLE RESEARCH FINDINGS

I have done some extensive research, I have come to several conclusions:

1) Most blogs are written by losers and schizophrenics.
2) I am 89% talented and awesome.

3) Nonsensical Gibberish is the best blog ever, and should be read by everyone. (Including babies, the elderly, dogs, cats, and certain rodents)
4) Eating paint chips will increase your quality of life.
5) Women love me. Looooooove me.
6) Asian people are cool. Well, except for one specific Asian guy, who is my arch-nemesis. I'll get you Asian Dude (A.D. for short)! You may have done absolutely nothing to deserve this verbal punishment, however, here we are.
7) DO NOT, under any circumstances, use hand sanitizer on anywhere other than your hands.
8)http://nonsensical-gibberish.blogspot.com
9) A man is capable of doing some pretty desperate deeds, if pushed over the line.

Until Next Time,

Jibber-Jabber (aka Dr.Edit)

Unremarkable Last Words #2

"Oh shit, I left the porch light on all night."

KING OF BLOGS


"I Hereby Declare, Upon This Sixth Day Of October, In The Year Two Thousand And Six, That Nonsensical Gibberish Is Hereby Appointed The KING Of All Blogdom"
- Senior Blogland Magistrate

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #6

"Always follow your dreams. If you don't follow your dreams, then man, you are ten kinds of sucka."
-Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

10/5/06

The Most Legal News Anchor

So, I'm walking back from the grocery store this evening. Guy passes me on the street. Stops.
"Hey, are you a news anchor?" says guy.
"No." says I.
"So, are you a lawyer?"
"No."
"Oh, alright."
Then he just walks away! Like, what the hell. Maybe it was the suit. Maybe it was the fresh haircut. Maybe it was the go-to-it attitude. Still, I ain't no news anchor, and I definetely ain't no lawyer. Guy was on drugs....you could practically smell the PCP.

The Original Achewood Comic



The first Achewood comic. For much laughter and mucho hilarity,
whence you must go, to www.achewood.com!

Remarkable Last Words

"Damn it Judy! I might be dying, but you're still a bitch!"






















www.homestarrunner.com

Embarrassing Tapes


Yes, Whitesnake and Milli Vanilli.
Embarrassing.

Reciprocation

For LJ as per our conversation on Oct.5/06

Reciprocation

Everything started out fine
Outlook was great
Fine dining, wine
Sparkle and shine
Growing ever closer
It's great to know ya
"Why don't you stay over?"
Reciprocation's not necessary
Just a little appreciation please
Gave up elements of self
To understand you better
Altered my perception
To fit you in a mold
Now to pick those peices up
Is becoming a challenge
Hesitate regularly
Second-guessing doubtfully
These words and images
Are simply that
This picture is only a reflection of you
These words a mirror image
Stir it up
And cause a ripple
Images become temporarily distorted
Nothing ever stays exactly the same
Except love, fundamentally
Darling
I never cared about your faults
Saw them refracted in my eyes
Felt the need to lie
Some big secret you couldn't share
Don't read too deeply
Into this
After all
It's just poetry
It's just a drawing
Would it have been different
If I'd bought you flowers instead?

Unremarkable Last Words #1

"Did you clean the fish tank yesterday.................."

10/4/06

Artist Profile: Unknown

Unknown
Hometown: Ottawa, ON, Canada
Genre: Balls-Out Rock
On The Web: www.myspace.com/dabandunknown

Hey Asian Dude!



I'm calling you out Asian dude. No, I am not some kind of racist. I know what you're thinking. You could be any race! It doesn't matter. And why, you may ask, am I calling you out? Why, you may ask, am I committing such uncalled-for libel against you over the Internet? Because this site is THE REAL NONSENSICAL GIBBERISH. DO YOU HEAR ME ASIAN DUDE? Change your URL! Do people really believe that you are a) nonsensical or b) full of gibberish? Take a look at the entire history of this blog (on your fancy-pantsy computer) and then maybe you can talk about being nonsensical.

Wait....what's that Asian dude? Oh yeah, that's right. YOU GOT NOTHIN'. This is an official calling out.

Dear Readers: please help me in calling this guy out. Leave some angry comments at www.nonsensicalgibberish.com. Serves Asian dude right for stealin my g-damn domain name!

Down With Asian Dude,

Mr. Editor

Artist Spotlight - Atherton & Sire

Growing up in an east Ottawa suburb very few shared the same creative interest in Hip-Hop music that Atherton & Sire had; it was only natural that the two came together. Coming from similar musical backgrounds, both having tried their hand at rock n roll, the two found a niche in hip-hop and have been building upon it ever since. Starting their earliest live performances at high school coffee houses and local house parties, it became apparent rather quickly that many a man, woman and child were drawn to their sound. With production ranging from gritty soulful sample based music to clean crisp midi composed beats and a foundation in conceptual lyrics Atherton & Sire cover a lot of ground. Having toured independently throughout Quebec, Ontario and the northern United States as well as opening for the likes of J-Live, Brother Ali and Sage Francis, Atherton & Sire have been honing their skills as live performers. Atherton & Sire, now both 23 respectively, are currently in full swing promoting the release of their debut full-length album A different way of doing the same old thing. Both members believe that this project is of the highest caliber.


Listen to some tight tracks and then buy this album! You won't regret it.

www.myspace.com/athertonsire

GO THERE NOW!

Something to say

How I wish I had something to say
But it all gets erased
And easily washed away

For these words I have money to pay
But problems to be faced
Lead me heavily astray

Depending on the season
My excuses become reasons
My bum knee kicks in

Consider this a personal ad
I'm not really up-to-date
The latest fads kinda elude me

I'm not perfect - understatement
Don't get me wrong
I don't stay locked in the basement

It's the let down
The big surprise turnaround
Scientific breakthrough of the year

"Maybe there just aren't enough
Words to rhyme with sunshine"
I heard through the grapevine

Subliminal thoughts
Make up the majority
Of these mental processes

From one day to the next
I can't remember who I am
Or what my values are

Did I miss some essential step
In evolution - Or did I trip
Spilling my load full of textbooks into the abyss

I'm not really negative
It's just that I'm pretty neutral
Life of the party act is getting tired

Don't remember what to say
In certain situations
Crossing the line without invitation

"Say something positive,
For once" That's funny
It's all relative

Black to me, is blue to you
I'm too mellow to care
About sunshine's yellow

So if you pass me in the street
Don't say hello
I don't care anymore

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #5

"Often we judge objects or people by their appearance. However, their contents are purpose could be quite valuable to us, yet we pass them by because they look old or ugly. A wise man takes the time to investigate, using every opportunity for knowledge. Well, except for bananas. I mean, those motherfuckers taste good, but they last like, a day! And when those motherfuckers got brown on 'em, you better believe they are all mushy and shit inside. Fuck that shit! People are all, "make some banana bread!" And I'm all, "Fuck that! I ain't makin' no motherfuckin' banana bread!"
-Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

10/3/06

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #4


"Be honest in all things. Especially about your kung-fu skills. I hate it when people say they know Kung-fu, when motherfuckers have no idea! Shit balls! Learn some motherfucking Kung-fu, then come back and say that shit! Stupid motherfuckers."
-Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

A Letter To Google Ads

Ah, I see that now we are alone, you and I, Google Ads. First of all, what's with the cold treatment? Have I said or done something wrong? Maybe. But why do you deny me so outright and forthwith? Fuck Google Ads....you know what? No, FUCK YOU! I've given you everything! And what do I get in return? JACK ALL. I even mentioned you! Like you deserved it. And you said I was too profane, obscene, rude. HA! What about you, Google? Huh, how many porn hits did I get when I typed in "hot hot sex" into your search engine? Many! Yeah, well I may be profane but at least I am not an Internet Pimp. So, take your ads and shove 'em, I don't need them anyway. So go ahead! Just try and shut me down.

Editor

More Rejected Porn Titles

Sorry, these are just in bad taste. Enjoy!

The Land Before Hymen
Brokesack Mountin'
Lucky Number Penis
Wedding Night Crashers
Debbie Deals Blackjack
Grandma's Toy
The WenchWarmers
Hampster & Me
Two If By Pee

Lustre Lost

Love, leaving
Lustre lost

Time, weaving
Summer frost

Mimes, keeping
Pace with moss

Months, bleeding
Pension's cost

Wives, needing
Men to boss

All things, considered
Given choice

Letters, delivered
Silent voice

Nighttime, littered
Falling stars

Ever, after
Sung in bars

Swinging, slowly
Lover's sonnet

Watching, waiting
Sheltered forest

All things, life goes unnoticed
Lustre love, leaving for us

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #3

"In life we often encounter obstacles. However, it is important to remember that there is an easy solution to any problem. Kung-fu kick those mothafuckin' obastacles, bitches! Goddamn mothafuckin' obstacles."
- Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #2

"When searching for enlightenment, one must first clear the mind of any thoughts. This way you open up your spirit, and feel the energy of the universe. Next, kick any motherfucker's ass that gets in your way. Goddamn motherfuckers!"
-Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column



"If you are walking down a path, and you see a bee lying in the road unable to fly, step on the motherfucker. Motherfucker would have bit you!"
- Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

Apologies & Anorexia

This is mostly to cover my ass. I'm always apologizing to fat chicks. I really don't mean slightly overweight women. The ones we deal with her on Nonsensical Gibberish are morbidly obese. I think it is important to make that distinction.

And Now.......Anorexia!

It's Genetic, Right?

10/2/06

Deviant!!

Oh Internet! Poor poor blog, how we have strewn/strown from our original purpose!
It used to be simple...so simple. How did a blog called Nonsensical Gibberish become Sensical Information? It must have something to do with Rationality. FIE I say! FIE on Rationalism.
Henceforth, this blog shall be used only for the purposes of randomness! Oh, and information, politics, and fat chicks? I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE!

Well anyway, this should make you sufficiently ill.

I've searched the web so you don't have to!

Here are some great links which you will enjoy.

www.dinosaurcomics.com
www.whiteninjacomics.com
www.achewood.com
www.drmcninja.com
www.homestarrunner.com
www.dieselsweeties.com
www.asofterworld.com
www.boasas.com
www.stupidvideos.com
www.collegehumour.com

More to come! Stay tuned.....

Did Al Gore Invent the Internet?



Bush runs commercials mocking Al Gore saying the he claims to have invented the Internet. Bush claims Gore is a liar and that he can't be trusted.

Gore never claimed that he "invented" the Internet, which implies that he engineered the technology. The invention occurred in the seventies and allowed scientists in the Defense Department to communicate with each other. In a March 1999 interview with Wolf Blitzer, Gore said, "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet."

Taken in context, the sentence, despite some initial ambiguity, means that as a congressman Gore promoted the system we enjoy today, not that he could patent the science, though that's how the quotation has been manipulated. Hence the disingenuous substitution of "inventing" for the actual language.

But the real question is what, if anything, did Gore actually do to create the modern Internet? According to Vincent Cerf, a senior vice president with MCI Worldcom who's been called the Father of the Internet, "The Internet would not be where it is in the United States without the strong support given to it and related research areas by the Vice President in his current role and in his earlier role as Senator."
The inventor of the Mosaic Browser, Marc Andreesen, credits Gore with making his work possible. He received a federal grant through Gore's High Performance Computing Act. The University of Pennsylvania's Dave Ferber says that without Gore the Internet "would not be where it is today."
Joseph E. Traub, a computer science professor at Columbia University, claims that Gore "was perhaps the first political leader to grasp the importance of networking the country. Could we perhaps see an end to cheap shots from politicians and pundits about inventing the Internet?"

So, it would appear that Bush is the one lying and can't be trusted. If it wasn't for Al Gore, you might not be reading this web page right now.

The Plan


Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!)

"I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan."

1) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past &present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good ole boys", we will never "interfere" again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan? "The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses." She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' "

Robin's shirt says "I love New York" in arabic.