You've got some deep holes just aching to be filled.....

This calls for CAULK!

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #8

"I wish to apologize to my loyal followers for my lengthy absence. I have been in retreat from the world, meditating on the purpose of my life, and considering matters of importance to the universe. Specifically, transgendered/transexual people. SERIOUSLY. Can't you motherfuckers choose a goddamn gender? For fuck's sake!"

- Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

CONGRATURATIONS ARE IN ORDER

Haro! Congraturations to Nonsensical Gibberish on your 1000th page visit! Who knew that what began in a small basement in Nebraska would turn into a global web phenomenon? I SURE DIDN'T. Yet, here we are. On the cusp of the new millenium, on the horizon of the future! I want to thank all the loyal visitors to the site, and all the people that visited once and most likely will never return. At last but not least, giraffes. You are so majestic, but not good at skateboarding (apparently).

Delicious Muff Diving!

This weekend I tried a most wonderful drink! It was called the Muff Dive. Much to my dismay, it did not taste like muffins as the name would suggest. I did like the whipped cream! And the best part! When the sweet nectar in the middle went gushing into my mouth. Delicious! The ladies were all screaming and taking photos. I guess that's what happens when you go Muff Diving! I wish I could have a Muff Dive every day!

Fact of the Day: Flying Squirrels!

Flying squirrels do not have the ability to employ powered flight so technically they cannot fly. However, they are excellent gliders and most can glide up to 200 feet, with some species achieving a distance of 1,500 feet. Flying squirrels travel at speeds of about 5 mph to 30 mph. They have a membrane that stretches between the front and back legs, forming a "wing" similar to a bird's when the squirrel's limbs are extended. The membrane actually works more like a parachute, than a wing, enabling the squirrel to glide, steer, and land softly. The cartoon character Rocket "Rocky" J. Squirrel is a flying squirrel.

Stuff it. Stuff it 'till it's full.

There's no better way (in my opinion) than to spend Hump Day thinking about Lobster Tacos. Oh yes, the classic Mexican dish.....with a twist! A twist of Lobster that is! BA-ZING. In other news, Lobster Tacos are delicious. Wait, that's not other news. I guess that's really all I have to say at this point.

Please HEAR me out.

Yes, I've been making music. And yes, it is awesome. Please proceed directly to www.myspace.com/declare1 for an earfull of good times.

If I....Would You?

If I threw up in your hair.....would you still love me?
If I ran over your cat....would you still care?
If I said you were ugly.....would you still hold me?
If I slapped your face for saying something stupid....would you still do the dishes?
If the situation were reversed, I know I would.
Despite all of my faults, you know I still love you.
If I burned your face with acid....would you still cook my meals?
If you caught me with another woman....would you still do that thing I like?
Good to know. THAT's loyalty.
If I turned my face away in disgust of your underarm stench....would you still look at me sweetly?
Through all of life's tribulations, these are my vows. When the going gets tough, don't ever change.

I'll meet you at....

The last website available:

www.clownpenis.fart

This is just going too far....

This is probably the dumbest, most retarded, lowest peice of shit that I have EVER heard of. It seems as if there was a bit of pandemonium at the hair salon where Britney shaved her head. As soon as the hair hit the ground, there was a mad scramble for the hair, and it has since been put up for auction on ebay for a starting bid of (get this) one million dollars. Oh, but the successful bidder also gets a 3/4 full can of Red Bull, and a cigarette lighter. Whoopee! This is shameful. And they are calling these people entrepeneurs. I pity the poor bastard who spends a million dollars on some washed up white trash hair. I'm amazed every day by the stupidity of the general public. But I'm not surprised that the most ridiculous stories come from the U.S., and especially L.A., the most ridiculous and asinine place in the world.

If this is news, then I'm an International Terrorist

Britney Shaves Head, Checks Into Rehab......blah blah fucking blah. Who gives a crap? I really cannot believe that we've become so shallow as a society that some played out teen pop star makes news headlines by getting a haircut. And I can't believe that I'm even giving her the airtime here on N-G. But I wanted to vent my frustration a little. She's checking into rehab? For what, being a fucking loser? I hope her millions of little girl fans don't look up to her anymore because the world would really be fucked if they followed in her footsteps. Flashing her whatnot for everyone to see, driving with her infant son in her fucking lap, yeah great parenting skills. And we're shocked when some fanatics fly planes into the WTC. No shit, motherfucking Sherlock! Look at the garbage going on in your country! Wake up, meatheads, get a life, and start living it.

Eater of Children and Fairies Freaks Me Out! (Pan's Labyrinth)

Beauty is the Beast

Though I'm sure, being in the media industry, that there are more blogs I should pay attention to, there are only a few blogs that I regularly read. One of them of Roland Piquepaille's Emerging Technology Trends on ZDNet (http://blogs.zdnet.com/emergingtech/?p=483). Roland, is very talented at finding out the most obscure research and facts and he churns them out in such a way that it is interesting to the every-day person.

Last week, Roland wrote about some computer scientists who have developed 'Beauty Function,' a software that will dynamically change a person's face according to the mathematical 'norms' of beauty. Not only is it a) funny, b) a little creepy, and c) amazing people have this much time on their hands. What's better is the real-world applications these scientists claim the software to have. For example; leveraging this software right on your digital camera so that everyone comes out picture perfect or for plastic surgeons to use to determine how best to "fix" your face. While the software is not available on the site yet, there are some pretty interesting photos.

It's NOT Valentimes Day!

Nothing drives me crazier than people who say "Valentimes". It's a disgrace to everything that St. Valentine stood for. Which was something I can't quite remember. Possibly love? I could research it but I'm really too lazy.

For all of these reasons, I have decided that this year I will give the ultimate Valentine. It will be a box with the simple words " Please BEE mine" written on it. "That's so cliché!" you might say. However, contained inside the box are 100 live bees, that are really angry from being shaken for an hour. So once the box is opened, my love will be expressed through 100's of bee stings, making my Valentine's flesh burn with pain and desire. After all, LOVE HURTS!

Crowds Panic as Flood Threatens Ireland

Looks like I already owe Ryan a dollar....well anyways, here is an ode to my new iBook.

Dear iBook,
I see you sitting there on my desk
All sleek and white (or is it cream?)
Although you've been used
You're new to me, let's start the healing
You play DVDs, which is always handy
When you're travelling
I like to play Chess on you
And upload all those self-portraits
I took of myself in various poses
I'll upload my love for you
Via my Lexar Jumpdrive
Where can I get a Firewire cable?

Changes, oh yes there are Changes

Who doesn't like change? Communists, that's who. And no one ever said that I was a Communist did they? They better not have, or else they'll get a good clean kick in the nards. Yes, the nards. If you don't know what nards are, please consult Webster's. You might be saying to yourself: what a flashy new banner and fresh look! Yes, you'd be quite right junior. And maybe you're also wondering what kind of crazy mixed up world that picture to the right was taken in? The most crazy mixed up world there is man, The Real World. How often do you get to meet a dog-man, a cat-man, and Gary the No-Trash Cougar? Very rarely. And for those of you that are wondering, yes, that picture was taken in the Ob at Algonquin (pre-renovations).

Also, I've made a bet with Ryan Smith that if I don't update my blog at least once every two days, I'll owe him a dollar for every time that happens. So you can look forward to many useless, nonsensical posts every two days!

J-J

A transcription from Achewood Comics regarding finding a replacement for yourself after getting kicked out of a band.

Lyle: Hey T! You play bass? I need someone to stand in for me.

Teodor: Sure I can play the bass. Anyone can play the bass. It's an idiot's instrument. It was invented so the guitarist and drummer would qualify for the carpool lane.

Lyle: Careful shithead, I play the bass.

Teodor: Well, Sting has an IQ of 103, so as you can see it's just a high-functioning generalization. What's up?

Lyle: I....uh.....I gotta go meet the children of Senator Dell Graham.

Teodor: That's weird. What's the deal?

Lyle: Oh, he's an old friend of my dad's. Kind of a pain, what can you do. Total formality.

Teodor: That sucks. Where do I show up?

Lyle: We practice in Ray's spare room. Five o'clock.

www.achewood.com

Time for a silly poem!

Oh ducklings!
How you make me smile
Waddling so fervently
Swimming all the while
I can't help but think
You'd make a bite-sized snack
Delicious, tender, ripe and pink
But "No!" you'd say "Quack Quack!"
"I am but a duckling child
So new unto the world
I have yet to see the wond'rous wild
Or kiss a duckling girl!"
Please do not think of troub'ling things
For your purpose here is brief
How I would love to fry your wings
Or bake you in a quiche

Consumating

Yes indeed, a new way to find people who don't suck. If you're looking for your above average IQ and smart, witty, intelligent folks like yourself, look no further than www.consumating.com. This site allows you to post up to five profile pictures, as well as post pictures in their photo contests. Your popularity on the site is based on points. You accumulate points based on thumbs up given to your profile, your question answers, and your photo contest entries. You can also participate in discussions, or post a discussion of your own. I really enjoy this site and I highly reccomend it. My name on the site is "We live in the time of Robot Jebus". Go check it out! Go NOW!

Mark Zuckerberg Can Eat It.

Ha! Well, as was my eventual goal, I got myself kicked off of Facebook (www.facebook.com).

Apparently, you're not allowed to create groups that defame anyone. Whatever happened to a little bit of healthy libel? Now it seems as if someone is trying to hack into my hotmail account. Coincidence? I think it's YOU, Mark Zuckerberg. Well, if you can't take a joke, that is just too bad. Luckily you don't have any control over what I do here on Nonsensical Gibberish....tool.

I was just having a little fun. Now you had to go and ruin it. But never fear! I shall return to Facebook, and wreak my havoc upon you! From the man who brought you such awesome groups as "George W. Bush is a TOOL", "Mark Zuckerberg is a TOOL", "Facebook is for dummies, therefore I am a dummy", "Processed Cheese is super neato!", "The Group with the longest name on facebook, therefore the group that is #1", I say, I shall have my revenge. I encourage all of you Facebookers to stand up for my right to commit random acts of libel. Create groups demanding my return! BOW DOWN BEFORE MY MIGHT! Or you might end up just like 'ole Zuckerberg here.

Jibber-Jabber out.

I'm sorry to say this...

Well, it turns out that team member Loki Smoke never really knew that she was a team member. That would definetely explain the lack of postings. Well, doesn't that make me look quite the fool. Calling Loki Smoke out publicly and accusing her of having penile anxiety...shameful. One consolation to this was the fact that she actually read Nonsensical Gibberish and found out that she was indeed a contributor. I guess I wasn't really doing my job as administrator. I could have just sent her an email.

Call me what you will, but I won't be listening, unless it is positive.

My apologies

I have been getting a few complaints about the lack of content lately on the blog.

Geez well I am sorry. Life just kind of gets in the way sometimes of proper blog maintenance. Really, I will tell you who the real culprits are: f-ing Facebook and Consumating (www.facebook.com, www.consumating.com). Facebook seems to be taking off with the same ferocity that myspace did about 6 months ago. What is with these trends in social networks? I'll bet you anything that in about 6 months there will be a new and exciting network to be a part of and Facebook profiles will go untended. This is a trend I am predicting, which has probably already been predicted in the past. Most likely it will be an updated version of Windows Live Spaces with increased functionality. I must admit though, Facebook is pretty fun. When all is said and done Nonsensical Gibberish will always be there for you. All it takes is a little open fire to roast these chestnuts of blogdom.

Thank you, and goodnight.

As per Ryan's request

Old School Microphone!

Loki Smoke Where Are You?

Loki, I realize that it would be just as easy to tell you this over email, however I feel that a public posting might be more effective. You joined the team a few weeks ago, yet we have not even seen one (1) posting by you. Is it performance anxiety? Is it rage? Penile rage? Penile anxiety?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad, I mean, I post enough to make up for all you slackers. As of right now, I am suspending your dental plan.

Consider your dental plan SUSPENDED!

DISCLAIMER

The opinions expressed on Nonsensical Gibberish do not necessarily reflect those of its contributors. If you have a problem with something posted on Nonsensical Gibberish, we meant the opposite. The authors of Nonsensical Gibberish assume no liability for any action taken (whether legal or illegal) by any reader of Nonsensical Gibberish. However, if any positive action is taken, any awesome outcome is reached as a result of this site, we assume full responsibility for it.

Now listen up everyone! Do drugs and commit crimes! Wheeeeee!

Brokeback Parodies

Which one's your favourite?

By Popular Demand - Sort Of

I couldn't find a good quality screenshot of Evil Monkey on the red carpet, but I think this one will do just as well. Evil Monkey getting stoned and listening to Foghat!

A Handy Chart - Are You Fat?

Your weight concerns me.

Better Than A Diet Pill!

Evil Monkey, We Salute You

Oh Evil Monkey, how evil you are! However, I think most of us can empathize with his plight. Who hasn't come home after a long day of work at the office only to find their wife in bed with another monkey?. I know I have! It definetely puts a damper on your day. It's hard to bounce back from something like that. Especially when you are a monkey.

So angry!

Since We're on the Topic

Well, it's Monday. Again. We're back at the start of the pattern. Here begins the tedious loop and painful drudgery that we call the working week. So, in order to lighten this heavy burden, I'd like to talk about some fairly serious topics. Don't worry. This is important. Regular readers of Nonsensical Gibberish may be confused by this sudden change of tack into the Sensical. Well, this weekend I saw a few documentary films which were very provocative, especially in the thought area. They were:

1. An Inconvenient Truth

2. Iraq For Sale: The War Profiteers

3. Why We Fight

All three films are of excellent calibre, produced in a non-biased, logical format. An interesting thing to note here is that Haliburton (and its subsidiary KBR) is mentioned in both "Why We Fight" and "Iraq for Sale". I was left with a sour taste in my mouth when I realized how much collusion and favouritism exists among the higher-ups in the U.S. Government. The American people as a whole have been repeatedly lied to about every conflict since WWII. WWII was simply used as a catalyst to launch the States into their current era of war mongering and international bullying. Yet the average American remains blissfully ignorant of this fact, and remains confident that they are pursuing liberty and freedom. Even Eisenhower saw this coming, and warned against the mass accumulation of arms. The U.S. military is a ridiculous force, with the latest technology and advances designed to kill quicker and smarter, with more accuracy. What's even more ludicris is the propaganda machine behind George W. Bush. After September 11th, Bush called for the invasion of Iraq on the grounds that he was harbouring terrorists, and encouraging terrorism etc. However, recently he admitted in a press conference that there was NO connection between 9/11 and Sadaam Husein/Iraq. Interesting coincidence. Funny how Iraq used to be a great ally of the U.S., but as soon as they were poised to attack Saudi Arabia (world's largest reserves of OIL), the U.S. got involved. Bush Sr. and Sadaam were great friends at one time, were they not? Also, isn't it interesting that the Bush and Bin Laden family are close?

I'm not here to give everything away, I'm just pointing out some general inconsistencies about the United States. They are headed to be the next Rome, making a ton of enemies along the way. It almost seems that the war train may run out of tracks. All the money spent on military affairs in the U.S. is greater than all social programs put together.

Also, something going against the U.S. is global warming. On the world scale, the U.S. is probably close to the TOP polluter. Their cars are the most inefficient and the waste they produce per capita is higher than anywhere else in the world. Clearly, our global over-consumption not only leads to class seperation and poverty, but also will make the Earth uninhabitable. "An Inconvenient Truth" presents some incredibly astonishing facts. I recommend seeing it if you are concerned in any way for the environment.

I could go on and on and on about this, so I'll let you, the reader, choose what best course of action to take. Please, see these films, get involved.

I'd like to leave you with Eisenhower's final address to the nation. Please take the time to read this over and see how far the U.S. has strayed from the ideals of its founding fathers. It is a mockery.

Eisenhower's Final Address

January 17, 1961

Good evening, my fellow Americans: First, I should like to express my gratitude to the radio and television networks for the opportunity they have given me over the years to bring reports and messages to our nation. My special thanks go to them for the opportunity of addressing you this evening.

Three days from now, after a half century of service of our country, I shall lay down the responsibilities of office as, in traditional and solemn ceremony, the authority of the Presidency is vested in my successor.

This evening I come to you with a message of leave-taking and farewell, and to share a few final thoughts with you, my countrymen.

Like every other citizen, I wish the new President, and all who will labor with him, Godspeed. I pray that the coming years will be blessed with peace and prosperity for all.

Our people expect their President and the Congress to find essential agreement on questions of great moment, the wise resolution of which will better shape the future of the nation.

My own relations with Congress, which began on a remote and tenuous basis when, long ago, a member of the Senate appointed me to West Point, have since ranged to the intimate during the war and immediate post-war period, and finally to the mutually interdependent during these past eight years.

In this final relationship, the Congress and the Administration have, on most vital issues, cooperated well, to serve the nation well rather than mere partisanship, and so have assured that the business of the nation should go forward. So my official relationship with Congress ends in a feeling on my part, of gratitude that we have been able to do so much together.

We now stand ten years past the midpoint of a century that has witnessed four major wars among great nations. Three of these involved our own country. Despite these holocausts America is today the strongest, the most influential and most productive nation in the world. Understandably proud of this pre-eminence, we yet realize that America's leadership and prestige depend, not merely upon our unmatched material progress, riches and military strength, but on how we use our power in the interests of world peace and human betterment.

Throughout America's adventure in free government, such basic purposes have been to keep the peace; to foster progress in human achievement, and to enhance liberty, dignity and integrity among peoples and among nations.

To strive for less would be unworthy of a free and religious people.

Any failure traceable to arrogance or our lack of comprehension or readiness to sacrifice would inflict upon us a grievous hurt, both at home and abroad.

Progress toward these noble goals is persistently threatened by the conflict now engulfing the world. It commands our whole attention, absorbs our very beings. We face a hostile ideology global in scope, atheistic in character, ruthless in purpose, and insidious in method. Unhappily the danger it poses promises to be of indefinite duration. To meet it successfully, there is called for, not so much the emotional and transitory sacrifices of crisis, but rather those which enable us to carry forward steadily, surely, and without complaint the burdens of a prolonged and complex struggle – with liberty the stake. Only thus shall we remain, despite every provocation, on our charted course toward permanent peace and human betterment.

Crises there will continue to be. In meeting them, whether foreign or domestic, great or small, there is a recurring temptation to feel that some spectacular and costly action could become the miraculous solution to all current difficulties. A huge increase in the newer elements of our defenses; development of unrealistic programs to cure every ill in agriculture; a dramatic expansion in basic and applied research – these and many other possibilities, each possibly promising in itself, may be suggested as the only way to the road we wish to travel.

But each proposal must be weighed in light of a broader consideration; the need to maintain balance in and among national programs – balance between the private and the public economy, balance between the cost and hoped for advantages – balance between the clearly necessary and the comfortably desirable; balance between our essential requirements as a nation and the duties imposed by the nation upon the individual; balance between the actions of the moment and the national welfare of the future. Good judgment seeks balance and progress; lack of it eventually finds imbalance and frustration.

The record of many decades stands as proof that our people and their Government have, in the main, understood these truths and have responded to them well in the face of threat and stress.

But threats, new in kind or degree, constantly arise.

Of these, I mention two only.

A vital element in keeping the peace is our military establishment. Our arms must be mighty, ready for instant action, so that no potential aggressor may be tempted to risk his own destruction.

Our military organization today bears little relation to that known by any of my predecessors in peacetime, or indeed by the fighting men of World War II or Korea.

Until the latest of our world conflicts, the United States had no armaments industry. American makers of plowshares could, with time and as required, make swords as well. But now we can no longer risk emergency improvisation of national defense; we have been compelled to create a permanent armaments industry of vast proportions. Added to this, three and a half million men and women are directly engaged in the defense establishment. We annually spend on military security more than the net income of all United States corporations.

This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence – economic, political, even spiritual – is felt in every city, every Statehouse, every office of the Federal government. We recognize the imperative need for this development. Yet we must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, resources and livelihood are all involved; so is the very structure of our society.

In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.

We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of the huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.

Akin to, and largely responsible for the sweeping changes in our industrial-military posture, has been the technological revolution during recent decades.

In this revolution, research has become central, it also becomes more formalized, complex, and costly. A steadily increasing share is conducted for, by, or at the direction of, the Federal government.

Today, the solitary inventor, tinkering in his shop, has been overshadowed by task forces of scientists in laboratories and testing fields. In the same fashion, the free university, historically the fountainhead of free ideas and scientific discovery, has experienced a revolution in the conduct of research. Partly because of the huge costs involved, a government contract becomes virtually a substitute for intellectual curiosity. For every old blackboard there are now hundreds of new electronic computers.

The prospect of domination of the nation's scholars by Federal employment, project allocations, and the power of money is ever present – and is gravely to be regarded.

Yet, in holding scientific research and discovery in respect, as we should, we must also be alert to the equal and opposite danger that public policy could itself become the captive of a scientific-technological elite.

It is the task of statesmanship to mold, to balance, and to integrate these and other forces, new and old, within the principles of our democratic system – ever aiming toward the supreme goals of our free society.

Another factor in maintaining balance involves the element of time. As we peer into society's future, we – you and I, and our government – must avoid the impulse to live only for today, plundering for, for our own ease and convenience, the precious resources of tomorrow. We cannot mortgage the material assets of our grandchildren without asking the loss also of their political and spiritual heritage. We want democracy to survive for all generations to come, not to become the insolvent phantom of tomorrow.

Down the long lane of the history yet to be written America knows that this world of ours, ever growing smaller, must avoid becoming a community of dreadful fear and hate, and be, instead, a proud confederation of mutual trust and respect.

Such a confederation must be one of equals. The weakest must come to the conference table with the same confidence as do we, protected as we are by our moral, economic, and military strength. That table, though scarred by many past frustrations, cannot be abandoned for the certain agony of the battlefield.

Disarmament, with mutual honor and confidence, is a continuing imperative. Together we must learn how to compose differences, not with arms, but with intellect and decent purpose. Because this need is so sharp and apparent I confess that I lay down my official responsibilities in this field with a definite sense of disappointment. As one who has witnessed the horror and the lingering sadness of war – as one who knows that another war could utterly destroy this civilization which has been so slowly and painfully built over thousands of years – I wish I could say tonight that a lasting peace is in sight.

Happily, I can say that war has been avoided. Steady progress toward our ultimate goal has been made. But, so much remains to be done. As a private citizen, I shall never cease to do what little I can to help the world advance along that road.

So – in this my last good night to you as your President – I thank you for the many opportunities you have given me for public service in war and peace. I trust that in that service you find some things worthy; as for the rest of it, I know you will find ways to improve performance in the future.

You and I – my fellow citizens – need to be strong in our faith that all nations, under God, will reach the goal of peace with justice. May we be ever unswerving in devotion to principle, confident but humble with power, diligent in pursuit of the Nations' great goals.
To all the peoples of the world, I once more give expression to America's prayerful and continuing aspiration:

We pray that peoples of all faiths, all races, all nations, may have their great human needs satisfied; that those now denied opportunity shall come to enjoy it to the full; that all who yearn for freedom may experience its spiritual blessings; that those who have freedom will understand, also, its heavy responsibilities; that all who are insensitive to the needs of others will learn charity; that the scourges of poverty, disease and ignorance will be made to disappear from the earth, and that, in the goodness of time, all peoples will come to live together in a peace guaranteed by the binding force of mutual respect and love.

Now, on Friday noon, I am to become a private citizen. I am proud to do so. I look forward to it.
Thank you, and good night.

Friday Fun Facts - Volleyball

Volleyball is a sport played by teams of six players each, who aim to score points by propelling a ball over a net into the opponents' court in such a way that the opponents cannot return it. Players can hit the ball with their hands or any part of their body above the waist. A team is allowed three hits to move the ball over the net. The game, originally called "mintonette," was invented in 1895 at the YMCA in Holyoke, Massachusetts by William G. Morgan. William Morgan studied at Springfield College and knew James Naismith, who invented basketball in 1891. Influenced and inspired by Naismith, Morgan blended aspects of basketball, baseball, tennis, and handball to devise a sport that could be played by older members of the YMCA. The set and spike was first demonstrated in 1916. The first beach volleyball game was played in 1930.

Mean Michael Richards a.k.a. Kramer

Swords are not toys

Cyanide and Happiness - I will continue to plug thee...

I am on a quest. A mission to persuade all those who are AWESOME that they must be attune to the best resources available. This includes those that are educational, such as Nonsensical Gibberish, and those that will expand the mind further than they dared to explore before. Cyanide and Happiness, is by far one of the bestest bad comics ever created by our generation. Sickitated, grossimated, filth; this blunt comic is worth it's weight in cyberspace. I do recommend: www.explosm.net/comics

My First Published Work

From Grade 1

"The Magic Story"

Once upon a time there lived a magician and he had a crystal ball. He could tell you your future. One day the ball fell and broke. The magic man said the magic words and the ball came back together and the magician lived happily ever after.

GOLD!!

Photoshop Days

Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy, Advice Column #7

"In matters of the heart, always trust your instinct. It is always better to tread carefully on the waters of love, better to cause a ripple than a splash. Patience is a virtue. Be true to yourself, and you will never be lonely. I mean, look at me! I got all the mad bitches up on my shit, motherfuckers!"

-Thau Dong, Old Chinese Guy

Ode To Girl I Secretly Have A Crush On

I really like your hair
It is 68% awesome, 32% luxurious
Your eyes are pretty special
They are in no way dead like a zombie
You are pretty much the most beautiful
Thing in the entire universe
You make me feel like I have
A learning disability
When I am around you
Maybe a slight mental retardation
But it feels good
Your smile is the highlight of my day
No jokes
But I usually ruin cool things
So I will just admire you
From a distance
Perhaps similar to a secret admirer
I'd like to go ice skating with you
Because I really like your jacket
And your athletic ability

Here We GROW Again!

Once again, I feel it's necessary to welcome an avid reader of Nonsensical Gibberish turned contributor Womacky! to the fast-paced, guacamole-eating, small-child-scaring world of blogging. And what better forum than Nonsensical Gibberish? I expect great things from both Womacky! and Loki_Smoke. In your honour, here is this motivational poster.

Womacky!

That's right people, Womacky! Not only appropriate for my general state of being, but also the best word to come out a tipsy night of family Balderdash! Talk about gibberish! It's amazing the creativity (a.k.a. CRAP) that can come out of a human's brain when challenged with obscure words after lengthy travels and a glass of wine.

I challenge you Jibber Jabber - and maybe Asian Dude if you two can stand to play nice!

Ode To Asian Dude

Hey Asian Dude
Or maybe I should say Cliff
If that IS your real name?
"Why me?" you ask, throwing your hands up to the sky
I don't really have anything against you
Except maybe your happiness
And athletic ability
Plus I don't know how
You can justify
Having a website called NonSensical Gibberish
When everything makes sense
On your page
And nothing about it is random
Or nonsensical
Are you just trying to be witty?
Impress your friends?
Why do you feel you have to play ping-pong
Just because you're Asian
Way to live up to stereotypes

Check out Asian dude: www.nonsensicalgibberish.com

Oh Shit! It's Dr. Tran.

Welcome to the team, Loki Smoke

I'd like to extend a warm welcome to the first member to join the dynamic, energetic, synergy-inspiring Nonsensical Gibberish team.

Here is a Taco commemorating this momentous occasion.

INCREDIBLE RESEARCH FINDINGS #2

Over the course of time, and many man-hours of research, my incredible findings continue.

1. It's hip to be square.
2. It's easier to fit a square peg in a round hole than it is to fit a hexagonal cat into a triangular dog.
3. Being emo is so over.
4. Television is responsible for the social fall-out of society.
5. Myspace is ruining life as we know it.
6. Seahorses are one of the only species in which the male carries and gives birth to the babies. And let me tell you, it is a really really weird thing to see.
7. Monkeys can be cute, or ugly.
8. Na na na na na na na na Batman.
9. Hard work doesn't always pay off.
10. 37.5% of statistics don't take into account the nearly 60% of people who lie on surveys.
11. People find it hard to be optimistic when there is so much negativistic energy around.
12. A crazy amount of people die in car accidents. Maybe there should be a more rigorous test to get your driver's licence.

Friday Fun Facts! Phonetic Alphabet

This is the standard list of words used to identify letters of the alphabet unambiguously in police and maritime communications, air traffic control, and military contexts. It is also called the NATO alphabet, named after the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, which standardized it.

A - Alpha
B - Bravo
C - Charlie
D - Delta
E - Echo
F - Foxtrot
G - Golf
H - Hotel
I - India
J - Juliet
K - Kilo
L - Lima
M - Mike
N - November
O - Oscar
P - Papa
Q - Quebec
R - Romeo
S - Sierra
T - Tango
U - Uniform
V - Victor
W - Whisky
X - X-ray
Y - Yankee
Z - Zulu

Pessimistic Box of Chocolate Analogies

Inspired by the movie "Forrest Gump"













Life is like a box of chocolates;
- by the time it gets around to you all the good ones are gone.
- someone has tampered with the box and filled one "lucky" chocolate with arsenic.
- unless you have the little card which denotes the characteristics of each chocolate, you might end up getting one with peanuts, and you are allergic to peanuts.
- eating the whole thing will make you ill.
- it will just make you fat.
- you never know when a poisonous cobra will jump out at you.
- when the box is empty you just throw it in the trash bin.
- lots of fun, but might require a painful drilling at the dentist's office.
- you unwrap it to find somebody has already sucked all the fun out of it.
- you never know when or where Al-Qaeda will strike next.

Tigers

Oh glorious tigers!
Insanely majestic, large cats
Tramping joyously through the jungle
How I envy you!
Whether you be classic or white
You're pretty special
I would fight for you
Sacrifice my life
But who would want my hide
As a rug?