4/14/11

Steve talks with God

Steve: Oh my god, you’re God! Sorry, it’s just….you know…man! This is crazy.....what are you doing here in the bathroom?

God: Well, I may be omnipotent, but I still gotta take a leak like a regular Job, go figure.

Steve: Wow. This is…..huge! What brings you to the 12th floor bathroom anyway?

God: I just started a new job in sales on the 5th floor. I figure, desk job, you know, gotta get some exercise at some point. That’s what, 7 flights of stairs? Ha, going up’s the hard part you know.

Steve: Oh….wow….so….you’re GOD and everything. Why are you working here? Don’t you have prayers to answer, miracles to perform etcetera?

God: You’d think so. To be honest, being God’s not much work. After I created the world and man in my image and all of the animals and blah blah blah, things just sort of started running themselves. Everytime I tried to intercede things just got kind of messed up. My worst and last mistake was sleeping with that chick…what was her name…oh yeah Mary. Man, that was awesome at the time. I was all ‘you’re dreaming…now take off those pants!’ Everything kinda went downhill from there.

Steve: Jesus.

God: Exactly.

Steve: So, you must get this a lot….but….what does it all mean?

God: Come again?

Steve: You know, why we’re here, what’s the meaning of life?

God: Oh! Ah ha! That’s a classic. I usually say something like ‘to love and cause happiness’ or some similar bullshit. I’ll level with you though, ‘cause you seem down to earth. The reason you’re here is basically out of my boredom, and there really is no meaning I guess. The most depressing part is that there’s not even a heaven. You die, that’s it. BAM. Nothingness. So I say, live it up dude!

Steve: Oh…man, that’s heavy.

God: Tell me about it man, tell me about it. So hey Steve!

Steve: Yes God?

God: Want to go grab some beers after work Friday?

Steve: That’d be awesome…but…I uh…have a date.

God: Dude, don’t do this to me, I’m GOD remember, I know you ain’t got no date. Don’t make me send a plague of locusts to your place dude!

Steve: (stunned silence)

God: Just kidding man! Wow, you should have seen the look on your face!

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