I'll meet you at....

The last website available:

www.clownpenis.fart

This is just going too far....

This is probably the dumbest, most retarded, lowest peice of shit that I have EVER heard of. It seems as if there was a bit of pandemonium at the hair salon where Britney shaved her head. As soon as the hair hit the ground, there was a mad scramble for the hair, and it has since been put up for auction on ebay for a starting bid of (get this) one million dollars. Oh, but the successful bidder also gets a 3/4 full can of Red Bull, and a cigarette lighter. Whoopee! This is shameful. And they are calling these people entrepeneurs. I pity the poor bastard who spends a million dollars on some washed up white trash hair. I'm amazed every day by the stupidity of the general public. But I'm not surprised that the most ridiculous stories come from the U.S., and especially L.A., the most ridiculous and asinine place in the world.

If this is news, then I'm an International Terrorist

Britney Shaves Head, Checks Into Rehab......blah blah fucking blah. Who gives a crap? I really cannot believe that we've become so shallow as a society that some played out teen pop star makes news headlines by getting a haircut. And I can't believe that I'm even giving her the airtime here on N-G. But I wanted to vent my frustration a little. She's checking into rehab? For what, being a fucking loser? I hope her millions of little girl fans don't look up to her anymore because the world would really be fucked if they followed in her footsteps. Flashing her whatnot for everyone to see, driving with her infant son in her fucking lap, yeah great parenting skills. And we're shocked when some fanatics fly planes into the WTC. No shit, motherfucking Sherlock! Look at the garbage going on in your country! Wake up, meatheads, get a life, and start living it.

Eater of Children and Fairies Freaks Me Out! (Pan's Labyrinth)

Beauty is the Beast

Though I'm sure, being in the media industry, that there are more blogs I should pay attention to, there are only a few blogs that I regularly read. One of them of Roland Piquepaille's Emerging Technology Trends on ZDNet (http://blogs.zdnet.com/emergingtech/?p=483). Roland, is very talented at finding out the most obscure research and facts and he churns them out in such a way that it is interesting to the every-day person.

Last week, Roland wrote about some computer scientists who have developed 'Beauty Function,' a software that will dynamically change a person's face according to the mathematical 'norms' of beauty. Not only is it a) funny, b) a little creepy, and c) amazing people have this much time on their hands. What's better is the real-world applications these scientists claim the software to have. For example; leveraging this software right on your digital camera so that everyone comes out picture perfect or for plastic surgeons to use to determine how best to "fix" your face. While the software is not available on the site yet, there are some pretty interesting photos.

It's NOT Valentimes Day!

Nothing drives me crazier than people who say "Valentimes". It's a disgrace to everything that St. Valentine stood for. Which was something I can't quite remember. Possibly love? I could research it but I'm really too lazy.

For all of these reasons, I have decided that this year I will give the ultimate Valentine. It will be a box with the simple words " Please BEE mine" written on it. "That's so cliché!" you might say. However, contained inside the box are 100 live bees, that are really angry from being shaken for an hour. So once the box is opened, my love will be expressed through 100's of bee stings, making my Valentine's flesh burn with pain and desire. After all, LOVE HURTS!

Crowds Panic as Flood Threatens Ireland

Looks like I already owe Ryan a dollar....well anyways, here is an ode to my new iBook.

Dear iBook,
I see you sitting there on my desk
All sleek and white (or is it cream?)
Although you've been used
You're new to me, let's start the healing
You play DVDs, which is always handy
When you're travelling
I like to play Chess on you
And upload all those self-portraits
I took of myself in various poses
I'll upload my love for you
Via my Lexar Jumpdrive
Where can I get a Firewire cable?

Changes, oh yes there are Changes

Who doesn't like change? Communists, that's who. And no one ever said that I was a Communist did they? They better not have, or else they'll get a good clean kick in the nards. Yes, the nards. If you don't know what nards are, please consult Webster's. You might be saying to yourself: what a flashy new banner and fresh look! Yes, you'd be quite right junior. And maybe you're also wondering what kind of crazy mixed up world that picture to the right was taken in? The most crazy mixed up world there is man, The Real World. How often do you get to meet a dog-man, a cat-man, and Gary the No-Trash Cougar? Very rarely. And for those of you that are wondering, yes, that picture was taken in the Ob at Algonquin (pre-renovations).

Also, I've made a bet with Ryan Smith that if I don't update my blog at least once every two days, I'll owe him a dollar for every time that happens. So you can look forward to many useless, nonsensical posts every two days!

J-J